Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
