I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
