i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
