I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
