ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
