watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
