Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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