We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
