you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Someone shit on the floor
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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