u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
