i don't like sucking hair
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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