I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
