My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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