....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
