Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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