Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
