So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
