Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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