I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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