my phone needs a breathalizer
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
