Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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