I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
