Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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