I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
