A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
