Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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