guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just pynch a tree in the face
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
