I'll bet she douches with gravy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
did i just pee glitter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
