His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
