I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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