This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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