It was confusing and full of hummus
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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