Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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