she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
