her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
