Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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