i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
