Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pants are for mortals
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
