Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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