my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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