I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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