Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When did angry sex become our thing?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
