3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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