Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
