Who wears a wallet chain?!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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