How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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