It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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