I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
