we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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