Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
